So I am sitting here in my room, and it’s officially holidays so I have all this time to do absolutely nothing, however I have nothing to do. I’ve realised that I am a bit of a loner. Not in the sense that I have no friends, because I am surrounded by people and by friends, but I feel like a loner, still. I wonder why that is.
I realised that I have been reflecting upon this fact quite a lot lately. Do I really have friends in my life who I would truly call a friend? Or are they just people I associate with? Because even with all these people around me, I can still feel like the black sheep, or just feel myself not enjoying their company as much as a real friend would.
I thought maybe it was because I had been surrounded by the same groups of people for so long, and I had out-grown them. I decided I was going to join groups to meet new people this holiday, however now that it is upon me, I feel too lazy to make the effort and try. I keep telling myself I will get a new job, however I never take the steps to make that happen. I keep telling myself I want to do all these things, but I end up doing none of it. I blow my friends off to spend time at home by my self a lot as well. Sometimes, I really wonder just what in the hell is wrong with me.
Has anyone ever felt like this before? Just these moments where you question yourself, your life, and what the hell you are doing because it seems to be getting no where.