I think this is the first time that i have been unable to sleep, so I got up and did some homework, and now im blogging. I can just imagine how horrible i will look with mount everest under my eyes… But i just cant seem to fall asleep and its been like that for the past fee days. So why not update my life to all you non existent readers out there.
Remember my earlier post about wanting to become a better person? I’ve actually been trying. Ive been thinking a lot about my actions and sometimes when i act in anger, i think to myself how i shouldnt have done or said that.
One instance is when me and anna got into a fight, and usually we get pretty physical; punching, kicking, pulling, throwing etc. but this time, when she kicked me, i was so furious, but i didnt do anything and i guess im proud of myself for being able to hold back because it must mean im changing to some degree, right ?
Maybe i should apologise to tam as well, but even if i do, i dont think i would want him back in my life. Im content where our relationship stands right now, and that is non-existent. However i guess he does deserve an apology. I just have to suck all of the venom out…
I feel like my life is finally getting on track. While every body had a path set out by them, a goal they wanted to achieve, a job to get them going, i stuck around on base one and just kept swinging the bat but missing the ball. I was not going anywhere. But lately i really feel like god has been moving things my way. I feel like there is a path in front of me now, and i can sense which direction to walk in, instead of blind folded and simply clueless. I started being proactive and got myself a job, no two jobs, one of which is a temporary contact. I figured out what i wanted to do with my degree and where im headed. Ive been working on my relationship with my family and ive been trying to get rid of my old habits when treating people.
I remember people used to tell me about how they had life changing moments, where they moved away from the person they used to be and i always thought it was ridiculous for somebody to change that much, and even questioned their lies. But now i have realised that you dont need to have changed dramatically to have felt like you are becoming a different, better person. Its the little things that count. Because i still feel like me, but i feel like a better version of me. Im not my best version, but its something i can aim to schieve. Someone i am completely happy and confident to boast about.