Today, i sat in my university toilets and i cried. I let the tears fall, washing away some of the pain i had built up inside of me. I let it go, coming to my senses, realising all too well – he was right.
As always, im the one who is wrong and everyone else is right.
I just have to keep reminding myself that i need to be optimistic, and i cannot close myself off from the world, not again. With him, i felt so alive. It was something i hadnt felt in a long time.
With everything good, comes pain. That i need to remember.
I spoke with a professional, poured my heart out, all my thoughts that i kept written away and she sat there and listened to my story, to my pain and to my thoughts. It indeed was refreshing, but just after i had gotten it out, another brick wall gets slammed in my face.
When will all this stop? Is this puishment for something i did so horribly somewhere in the past? Im not that bad of a person am i ?
If everything happens for a reason, why do so many bad things happen ? Or am i just focusing on the negatives here and omitting the positive? Probably, given my current mental state.
But despite all that, i will be fine.
I’m going to be okay, and I’m going to be happy. I’m going to take our time together and cherish it, and I will make sure i remember everything he’s taught me. I’m glad for what we had, and I’m going to try my best and focus on what’s important in my life right now. I know in time, I’ll be on top of the world. I know he didn’t mean to hurt me, and I know he does care about me. When we meet again, I hope we will both look back at this moment and have absolutely no regrets.