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I just want things to be simple again. 

Ever since April, ever since the Ryan situation started, my life has been a roller coaster. He’s so good at playing with my feelings and dragging me where he wants me to be.  Today, it was judgement day, and it seems he is going to be out of my life for good. 

I can’t believe I let him come back to me again, just so he could leave me for the exact same reason. It was stupid of me. Why did I stay hopeful? Hope is bad. I kept telling other people I wasn’t hopeful for anything, but deep inside, I knew I was. Who was I kidding? I wanted this to work, I prayed for it to work, but life has funny ways of tricking us, and this time, it tricked me twice. 

Oh you silly girl, Cindy. 

I’m so mad at him, and so mad at myself for letting him come back into my life. I’m mad at him for being AWOL for 2 months and then all of the sudden pop up out of the blue and ask me about us, kiss me, tell me how he hasn’t been with anyone since me, how he’s been thinking about me. I’m mad at him for reigniting what I had put out the first time, and now I have to put it out again. I’m mad at myself for being strung along. I’m just mad.