I met someone recently. Him and I get along really well, and I know he likes me, but I don’t know how I feel about him. This is one of those scenarios I have dreamed of. I want something constant in my life, I want to experience just a simple relationship, but I’m too scared of the commitment. What if I hurt him? What if I’m really not interested? What if I just want to play with his feelings? What if I get sick of him after a month, like my other ex? I just don’t know whether I can do this or not. I know it’s still pretty early to decide, but I feel like I have to because I don’t want to lead him on.
I told him that I am the sort of girl who, when she gets sick of a toy, she will throw away that toy. I feel like this is also a bit of a test because just as him and I were starting to get close, two of the boys from my also, quite recent past who 1) I slept with, and 2) I got a little cosy with came back in and just want to see me all of a sudden which I know is because they have something they want. I know boy 1) has no feelings for me but boy 2) does, and we were acting very couply at one stage which was for funs but also had a little bit of truth to it.
ALSO, turns out the the boy who I am a little confused about has a 21st at this club that my friends and I LOVE, and we had made plans to go there for a while. Is it a test for myself? Whether I can resist the temptations, whether I can really give him what he wants? Ehh.