There is no denying it anymore, I am an insecure bitch. I was never like that. I never cared, I never worried about people not liking me, and I was never afraid to lose somebody but right now, I am so scared.
With boy no.1, I didn’t care because I was confident he wasn’t going to go anywhere.
With boy no.2, I didn’t care because I simply didn’t care that much about us (mean, I know).
With boy no.3, I didn’t care because it was just too complicated to care, and I was just going to see where it took me.
With boy no.4 and current, I care, so much. I don’t want to lose him but I want to distance myself from him so I won’t care if he does leave me. I just don’t want to feel the pain. Although he doesn’t show it, I know he must care about me… he’s just not good at showing it? But I like to have his attention. However, I know he is busy with a lot of things right now. For one, his studies, which I know is number 1.
Caring has turned me into someone I don’t want to be. I feel dependent and attached and one of those girls who just wants to drop everything for their significant other. I feel like I’m turning into the people who I used to cringe at when I would see walking down the street. I feel like I’m just turning into a different person. I’m moody, I get upset at the smallest things and I just pick at everything, I question things and I’m just all round shit.